Sweet, sweet mother of all things musical and rhythmic, you have heard my desperate pleas! I shall never deny thee for the rest of my days! The ground has opened up in the Netherlands and from the bowels of the underworld, this band was spat forth for this world to marvel. For what I hear before me is one of the most ferocious, bile spewing garage punk bands I have ever heard in my lowly existence. The Etters are mean, they're nasty, and they hate everything there is to do about Christmas! I feel like my soul is not yet worthy to receive a gift such as this band. A Dutch punk rock trio with songs that are as catchy as they are dangerous, sweaty and rude. So what if it's sung entirely in Dutch! I can still feel the attitude you fuckers! I know The Etters are mocking me in that foreign tongue of theirs, I know I'm being spat upon and you know what?? I love it! Fury is a universal language and I hear what The Etters are hurling out, loud and clear, believe you me! I feel it in the marrow of my bones and in the shakiness of my knees when I listen to their records. I just know this band is singing about nothing but bad news. If you love bands like Loli and The Chones, The Ills, and The Spoiled Brats, drop what you're doing right now and go get these record! They're sure to be a hit with degenerates and petty criminals all around the world.
The band consists of Jerry Hormone (of Jerry Hormone Ego Trip and The Apers) on guitar, Luna Becking on bass and Kate Oram on drums and they apparently they all take turns singing. I should mention that this record was limited to 50 copies and sold out so fast it blew the doors off the Fish & Cheap clubhouse. So chances of you getting your muddy little paws on this record are pretty slim and if you do, I salute you. This is a single sided record with three songs (that don't appear on the full length I should add) that collectively clock in at a little over 3 minutes. They're not throw aways either, hard, fast and aggressive is just the Etters style. The tracks, translated are "There's Nothing About You That I Don't Hate", "Cat Litter Breath", and "Eat My Snot". So as you can see, this 7"s does not feature a kinder, gentler Etters than on the LP. This is just as slap on the face, kick in the teeth punk rock you'd expect from this band and that's why I love them so.
Let's get something out of the way, first thing. The translation of the record title is "Will Kill You!" If that doesn't say it all right there, if that doesn't paint a mental picture for you, I don't know what will! I talk so much about the Etters being so evil, nasty and mischievous, but what also really needs to be mentioned is that these songs rock, hard. They rock like so very few things on this planet have ever done. The riffs in the band's arsenal are played at a respectable, break neck velocity but somehow still manage to dart into your ear canal and straight into your bran to nest for a season. Not only are these songs constructed all super catchy like, but they're executed with unmatched attitude and surliness. And even Miles Davis once said that only 20 % of music are the notes being playing, and 80% is the attitude of the motherfucker playing them. You're move Etters.
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